Musings
by Banna-nannas
Summary: What was going through Anna & Bates' minds after they returned from their secret wedding night?


Thank you for the little challenge prompt, **Miss-Ute.** You brought my John back and here is your reward...after all, a deal is a deal. You wanted the wedding night, but I'm not as racy as Anna, so I hope this suits you. ;)

Special thanks to **mr-and-mrs-bates** for the extra set of eyeballs. You made me breathe easier.:)

* * *

John Bates was a lucky man. He would readily admit there were few times in his life where luck smiled on him. Allowing his mind to revel in the events of the last day and subsequent night, however, he began to think that life may finally be looking up for him.

It had been about 10 minutes since he had returned to his room. He and Anna had agreed it was for the best that they return to their respective sides of the divided servant's quarters early to keep up their guise, since there were only two people, beyond themselves, who knew of their secret marriage. It would be another 20 minutes before he would hear the knock on his door telling him it was time to head to the servants hall to begin the day. Sleep no longer being an option, he readied himself for the day as his thoughts drifted to the memories freshest and brightest in his mind.

 _She was stunning. Her smile had taken on a quality that stopped his feet in their tracks; his heart as well. She was always beautiful, however, whatever, whenever; but seeing her outside of the Abbey and wearing anything other than her green or black maid's uniforms affected him. White suited her. Was that skin he saw through the fabric?_ John smiled at that.

 _Radiant. If any word could be used to describe her during their short ceremony, it would be radiant. Those blue eyes glistened with unshed, happy tears. He couldn't tell if she was more ready to laugh, cry or shout in that moment; perhaps all three. He knew and recognized the feeling in himself since he'd never felt more liberated, light, elated, thrilled, buzzing…or lucky._

Seating himself in his room's only chair, he released a small laugh and shook his head in disbelief.

"Why on earth would she ever choose me?"

She was so young, so spritely. Why she would ever dedicate herself to this broken old man, he would never comprehend, but she wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Of all the times he'd tried to dissuade her and push her away and redirect her, she proved most tenacious. He couldn't deny that she wormed her way into his life. She was relentless, she was faithful…she was perfect; she brought him back to life. She was a salve to his soul. He was a fragment of a man when he arrived in this house and she pieced him back together bit by bit. She believed in him, she knew him, she trusted him. He could only hope to never let her down. To see the light she had that shone for him dim at all would break him again, and that would not do.

Another laugh escaped him as he told himself, "Bates, you know what she would say to you if she were here watching you brood. Enough now."

 _A slip of paper in his hand. The sly wink she tossed behind her as she left the servant's hall. "How did she manage?….but?…what if?…don't look the gift horse in the mouth, John Bates." He was sure they'd be spending their wedding night apart. They had planned on waiting before they told anyone. Even then, they would still be waiting for a cottage to be allocated for them. Truly, he hadn't expected…hadn't thought it possible… "Don't look the gift horse in the mouth, John Bates, you lucky bastard."_

* * *

Anna entered her room as quietly as possible. Unlike her Mr. Bates, she didn't have the luxury of a room to herself. Even though Jane was her ally, she still wasn't looking to wake her prematurely. She paced the floor silently replaying the events of the last hours.

 _She was positive she had not ever seen him looking happier. When his smile reached his eyes at the recitation of his vows, he brought on a fluttering in her core. It was obvious to her that he was as excited as she for their dream to be realized in this moment. Could she feel more blessed? She had everything now: the perfect man and the perfect wedding. She could walk out with him in public. She could hold his arm and walk close to him. The exhilaration of that fact alone was almost more than she could bear. She could stand close enough to smell him—something she could never tire of. His scent. It was something so particularly…him._

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if she were inhaling his scent at that very moment.

 _If she were asked to describe it, she would mention pomade and peppermints, but also a natural musk that was just simply "John." Whatever it was, it was wonderfully comforting._

 _"_ _I am now who I was meant to be."_

Anna was sure she was blushing. With her thoughts jumping like that, how could she not? She glanced to the mirror on the tall chest against the wall to confirm what she already knew, followed by a quick peek to Jane's sleeping form to be sure she hadn't been spotted yet. She wasn't quite prepared for that conversation. Releasing a breath when she noted the slow rise and fall of the blankets, she bit her lip and looked back into the mirror. She was sure it'd be a conversation she couldn't avoid, but what would she even say? How could she share those memories? They were far too sacred.

 _His eyes boring into her own._

 _His breath in her ear._

 _Her name whispered back to her with reverence—almost like a prayer._

 _Goosebumps._

 _Heat._

 _Bliss._

Sighing, she slumped into the nearest chair. Her quaking legs wouldn't be allowing her to stand much longer.

"I'd best change my line of thinking if I'm to be presentable downstairs shortly," She thought to herself.

 _She'd only ever been afforded small glimpses of his body before. Those small glimpses being of his forearms…only. While he slept beside her, she could freely let her eyes wander over him: her husband._

Her smile only grew. Had it really been a few short hours ago that she had become Mrs. Anna Bates? She'd dreamed of it for years, always believing it would come to pass. So far, the reality of it exceeding her imaginings.

 _His bare arms and chest were on display for her. She had seen him hard at work before with his shirtsleeves rolled up. She had seen the muscles at play beneath his skin. She could imagine him lifting and moving the great packing cases in the attics and demonstrating the strength he truly possessed. Except now…now she knew the gentleness he was capable of._

Not only only did she bite her lip to tamp her grin again, but her color deepened as well.

* * *

His knee was always sore, but he was surprised to find this morning, that it ached less than usual. "I can hardly imagine why," he thought to himself, chuckling.

 _"_ _Well, good evening, Mrs. Bates," he rumbled. She blushed demurely before him in her nightgown and giggled softly before responding with a glint in her eye,"Mr. Bates." Dear Lord, his wife was a naughty girl. There was another time when he had beheld her looking thus. They had broken the rules of propriety that night in opening the door that separated the men's from the women's quarters, but it was worth it to have that glimpse of her to keep with him for all these years. But now, he was like a man in a desert: he had a thirst that needed to be quenched—and he was thirsty for her._

Grunting quietly and shifting in his seat, Mr. Bates reminded himself of the time. He would need to remain collected.

"…I do still have a few minutes, though," he hummed to himself.

 _She purred in his ear. He didn't think purring was something he'd ever hear from his Anna, but then again, he was discovering there were a number of other sounds he didn't think he would hear from her either. He loved every. single. one. He could worship her forever. She was everything—perfection in human form. Was she even real? Was it possible to have skin to smooth and without a blemish? How could it be that this divine creature would want him? No, it transcended that. She had clearly gone beyond the point of simply desiring him; was it need? Did she need him as much as he needed her? If so, it was a miracle they were both still breathing because his need for her could be likened to the need for air. Except, John Bates was sure he could never get enough of this air. He would have to remember to thank whatever god there was, whoever or whatever was in charge of the great, wide beyond and pulling the marionette strings of the people down below for the blessing of this night._

The four quick raps at the door pulled him away from his musings. With a deep exhale, he drew himself from his chair. Shuffling to the mirror, he gave his form a once-over, nodded and collected his cane.

* * *

They'd excelled at keeping secrets. Years of hushed conversations amongst the others in the servant's hall or huddled together in the courtyard had made them well-practiced at maintaining propriety in public, evading others scrutiny and pretending they weren't completely mad for each other. The others weren't likely to be ignorant of their affections, but they were sure none suspected the truth of their relationship.

They'd been apart for less than an hour and Anna was already so anxious and desperate to see her John. She was practically bouncing on her heels on the landing waiting for him to meet her before heading to breakfast.

"Good morning…my darling Mrs. Bates," she heard whispered in her ear. He ignited a fire in her depths when he spoke to her like that. She spun around and had to restrain herself from pulling him into her arms for a kiss.

She had to draw in a deep breath to calm her fluttering heart before she could answer him. Glancing around to see if anyone was lurking nearby, she softly replied,

"Good morning…John." Oh, what his smile did to her—if he only knew.

He took a moment of his own to peer up and down the stairs from where they stood, and when he was satisfied, he reached for her, crushing her lips to his own. When they separated, she let out a soft giggle. Looking down to her hands, she clasped them together to still them. He always managed to make her quake. Physically, yes, but her insides as well. Steeling herself up, she put on her best saucy look for him and teased,

"That's enough of that Mr. Bates. We best be getting on b'fore anyone gets any ideas about us." With that, she turned and winked at him blushing, "I'll save you a seat." She bounded down the stairs ahead of him and he could only chuckle at this faery-creature of his. As he slowly and steadily made his way to the entrance of the servant's hall, he watched her busying herself laying out plates for the both of them. He observed as she finished preparing his tea for him. She looked up at him and offered a private smile—the kind she reserved just for him. He sighed and reminded himself for the millionth time, "I'm a lucky man."


End file.
